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Just got off the treadmill jogged and walked and ran for an hour and lost 401 cals I know I could have lost more if I would have just ran and jogged the whole thing but yeah needed a cool down.

lost 401 cals
125 fat ( cals iapos;m guessing...)
62.58 min


Fun stuff I still feel like running�lol but yeah Iapos;m getting up tomorrow to do a work out 30 minute vid then on the treadmill again


Todays intake:


B- V8 Fusion 100 juice ( peach mango)

L- Naked Mango Madness juice

D- boiled cabbage with some very hot mexican ... Hot sauce lol to speed the metabolism... And burn my freakin tongue off



ANYWHOO better go take a shower then I may watch for The Love Of Nancy good ED movie I like and of course Sharing the Secret


Well toodles people... If anyone even ever reads this

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Three weeks. 21 days. And Iapos;m still alive.

I have tried, over the last few days, to dip my toe into a little of Manchesterapos;s night life. Friday, I hung out in the FAB Cafe, a wonderfully groovy Sci-Fi theme bar (complete with Dalek and old Gerry Anderson TV21 covers framed on the walls) which was slightly let down by their decision to play decent music so quietly you could barely notice it was there over the sound of other people talking. Then, last night I snuck along to the Tiger Lounge for a apos;Psychotronic Film Nightapos; of Eraserhead and Wild At Heart. The place itself was great, an atmospheric sixties-style dive bar complete with weird wallpaper#8211; the crowd was a little strange (as youapos;d expect from a David Lynch double bill), and I was slightly worried by the hairy leather-jacket wearing guy who seemed to be getting a little too excited and entertained by entirely the wrong moments in Wild At Heart. The films themselves... Well, Eraserhead is still an endurance test (although a truly fascinating and skin-crawlingly perverse one), and Iapos;d forgotten how ballistically insane Wild At Heart is - itapos;s the demented Fifties/Elvis vibe that makes the film completely otherworldly, and itapos;s got a realy sense of energy to it. Itapos;s also refreshing to see a Lynch film that doesnapos;t put the narrative completely through the wringer, and which also features a young and energetic Nicolas Cage before winning the Oscar and appearing in action movies drained all the spirit out of his acting.

Today was a little difficult. I find it hard at times to cope with the fact that I am single again - that Iapos;m in a situation where I am, essentially, alone, and am likely to be for quite some time. Itapos;s never a mode of living I was particularly comfortable with, and Iapos;ve never been especially good at the whole process of meeting people and acquiring new friends. Nevertheless, however tempted I may be to curl up in the corner and hide, Iapos;ve got to keep myself going. I canapos;t let this beat me. Iapos;m going to get through this, and Iapos;m going to be stronger as a result.

Iapos;ve got tomorrow #8211; `and then, life gets really weird as I return to London for a limited nine-day engagement to do as much of the London Film Festival as I can handle. Hold onto your hats #8211; itapos;s going to be a bumpy ride...
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I think I may have to cry if McCain gets elected. I personally donapos;t want more of the same thing and our country has really fallen apart since Bush took over. I donapos;t have confidence in the Republicans to fix what theyapos;ve done. For that matter I donapos;t really have confidence in the Democrats to fix the country. However, McCain isnapos;t planning on giving the middle class that much of a tax cut while the rich just keep getting bigger and bigger tax cuts when they can afford to have less tax cuts. Add to that I read an article today that showed how much he flip-flops on issues so I donapos;t feel I can trust him to do what he says heapos;ll do.

I donapos;t really trust politicians at all. Theyapos;re all lying snakes and Iapos;m really scared for my country. Iapos;m scared of the road weapos;re headed down if our economy doesnapos;t get better. And I wish like hell that the leaders of the country would stop focusing so much on the rest of the damn world, giving money and resources away like we have enough to share, while their own country is falling apart.

Or an even better idea, tax the holy shit out of any company who sends jobs overseas. And I mean tax them until theyapos;re begging for mercy. Itapos;s not fair for them to actually get tax cuts for raising the unemployment here so they can save money.

And I think thatapos;s about all Iapos;ve got to say on that little rant.
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*yawn*
..
Its getting old now init.
Leaves are falling of the trees and bla bla etc.
I can honestly say that if i looked back on 2008 and said, "what is the main highlight of this year?".
I would say Fuck all.
But iapos;m looking ahead towards 2009.
Hopefully more luck comes my way next year.
1. I get reported to the social.
2. His mum trys to hit me.
3. He dumps me.
4. My lip ring gets stuck inside my lip.
5. My kitten has to go to a new home.
6. Mum and dad nearly break up. (again).

Although a good thing has happened..
.
.
.
.
.
.
I met Benji..
The most amazing guy in the world.
No, iapos;m not kidding.
Hes kind.
And pretty.
And perfect.
And and, ooohh.
hearts;hearts;hearts;

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Posted new blog on myspace.

And ohman..I�LOVE�F-ING�DRAMAS.�HODAMN.

Ohyeah,�Crystal, what Jrock video.live.show.anything stuff do you have on your computer?
I may ahve to have to send rica over with a bajillondie data dvd discs so I can get stuff.
Because...yeah...I need to things to watch.

I�HATE�BANDWIDTH�LIMITSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
SO, -abuses my friends to get stuff for me- XD;
Iapos;M�COOL�AND�ADDIDICTED.

XD so rica, yeah...hey. =3 you should do that. -well till mommy to chuck monies at steph for some dsics-

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I feel like I really need to add in more about this, Iapos;m not satisfied at all with the previous entry.

The moment during the concert where I had the revelation / sacred feeling was such a large smack of understanding about the permanence of things that you do in your youth. Iapos;ve broken my wrist, sprained both ankles, split my head open, fallen, failed, trips, tumbled, destroyed my wrists, scarred my body, and in all other terms left nothing to be unharmed by my actions in life. I take risks. Often. Itapos;s the only way that i feel like iapos;m pushing something and achieving a better me while engaging the world. Nothing has been as scary as losing my hearing though. Iapos;m very attached to my hearing and have always taken precautions to make sure bad things donapos;t happen to it. Itapos;s all because I feel like I hear a kind of noise in good architecture. Thereapos;s a sound association with most people and things that I know in this world. I guess I have just about (if not) perfect pitch which is all about being able to hear music correctly to reproduce it. I feel at peace when Iapos;m listening to the waves on plum island. Itapos;s how I live.

Losing that would completely change the way I am able to comprehend the world around me. I would lose my most trusted ability to engage people. Every busy room that I came across during my time of silence was a warbling incomprehension for anything more than 4 feet. I couldnapos;t understand a whisper. My brain had shifted its dependence on my left ear about a week after it happened so that everything felt like it sounded the same again. Quite an interesting thing when you believe that itapos;s normal until someone talks to you. But I didnapos;t have to listen to dead noise anymore.

Itapos;s weird to think about how a few weeks ago I couldnapos;t hear the keyboard when I typed on a computer. As I started in this post, I am very thankful to be able to hear again.

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So; me, david, justin, and alex
went to the nightmare haunted house thing in lexington...


and omfg it was INSANE.
we spent 15 dollars to go through the whole thing
and we were early, so there was practically no line.

OMG it was the scariest thing ever.
the first few rooms were insane, we bolted the FUCK out of there hahahaha...
the guide was like "help me find my doll" but she left us after the 2nd room...
bitch. Lol.

anyway, we were just like, going through rooms and there was blood everywhere. The paths were so dark and narrow, and fucking chainsaw people came out. At first it was the sarah girl, then it was the chainsaw massacre man, then it was this fucking big scary figure that had a cage over his motherfucking head (like the "jackal" ghost from the movie "thirteen ghosts" if youve ever seen that movie... If not, google it...) and it was insane.

anyway, like after ten minutes of screaming and running (and btw, one of the chainsaw dudes managed to grab my fucking left boob and ripped my tank top, >:/ and scratched me and stuff.)... We reached this thing where we had to walk up a black ramp, and it was a path with like, black walls with arrows that show you "the way" (but they pointed the wrong direction)... And like, i hit my forhead on a wall, lmao... THE FUCKING JACKAL COMES UP BEHIND ALL FOUR OF US (btw, it was only us four in there) AND FUCKING TURNS HIS CHAINSAW ON DAVID, ALEX, AND JUSTIN who JUMPED OVER ME after i TRIPPED... Hahah... FUCKING LEFT ME lmao
actually it wasnt funny at the time cause the jackal was 2 inches away from my face, so was his chainsaw, and thats when i screamed and tripped twice and hit my face on the floor... And like, i started hyperventilating and my athsma kicked in really bad...
i almost blacked out.

but before that, lol, the three brave asian motherfuckers most definitely went through the damn spinning tunnel, and i had to crawl all the way there cause i was dying, and i looked back and the jackal was there but then i cried so he just left...
i peeked around the corner (so i could see the tunnel) and justin was like "omg... Cheska is still back there... But i dont want to die..."
LMFAO. (once again, it wasnt funny at the time), and like... They waited for me at the end. (i was hyperventilating through this whole time and i couldnt really walk...) then finally...

when we reached the corner, one of the guys saw me literally dying, and this dumb ass still kept his scary voice on...
Me: *athsma*
Him: RAWRRRR...
Me: *i... Cant... Breathe....*
Him: RAWWRR... Are you okay?... RAWWRRR...
Me: no... No.... I... Cant... B...
Him: RAWWRRR... Wait let me get him to escort you out... RAWRRR....

hahaha...
so then, i was escorted out... And like, on the way out, another narrow passage way...
i see fucking Jason with a chainsaw, and despite the fact that he saw me crying and the dude was literally carrying me out, (oh, it was me and alex, lol, cause he was about to puke too...) ...
jason fucking starts up his "chainsaw" to try and scare me, and i stood up all tall and pointed at him and was like...

DONT. YOU. FUCKING. DARE. START. THAT. SHIT. YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.

then he puts down the chainsaw and was like...
"oh... Sorry..."

hahahahahah... XD



so yeah, it was basically just justin and david who finished the thing
and apparently the 15 dollars was not wasted :D
david said i wasted mine, but i was like "id rather waste 15 dollars than spend more money being taken to the hospital..."
hahaha. Nice save huh? lol :) WHAT? ITS TRUE


anyway...
so david and justin came out all whooping and shit, and jason chased fucking david all through the parking lot. Then came after me and alex (i was pissed and screaming and crying again)... And ALEX RAN INTO A DAMN CAR HAHAHAHAH

lmao.
after that, we stayed around the parking lot listening to the mexican music across the railroad tracks, cause the haunted house thing was in a warehouse near railroad tracks... (creepy i know) and we kept making fun of them and saying that they were mexican zombies that were saying "yo quiero taco bell".... Bahahhahahaha...

then we kept making up all these things about how cool it wouldve been if they had like a masturbating zombie that threw dildos at everyone or whatever, lmao, and we just laughed about that for an hour.
and we kept making fun of david cause the whole time through the haunted house, he was crawling on the floor and doing mission impossible flips cause he was trying "not to be seen", even though he had a big old orange 24 number on his hoodie, lol...

then like all these people kept coming and the parking lot was getting full and stuff, then finally our parents come (well, mine and justins) and we decided to have alex and david over to make smores :)

so we went to krogers and stuff and, lmao, david got in one of those things where a little car was attached to the cart for a little kid, and he got stuck, lmao after justin pushed him around and stuff. Lol. (video will be posted later, hahah)
and we had a bunch of trouble trying to budget our shit but everything turned out to be like 20 something (including the bbq sticks that me and justin had to go back in for to buy cause we forgot them after we bought everything...)

then like... We got home and found out we didnt have charcoal, so we busted out the ghetto filipino ways and burned pages of an old phone book. Hahah. Aside from the fact that the fire smelled like ass, the marshmallows and smores tasted really good :)
hahah david kept burning his marsmallows and they ended up looking like charcoal and kept melting off his bbq stick, lmao...

then after that, we sang kareoke in my room and just hung out and david was busting moves, and so was alex, so everyone just started busting moves and singing and having fun and laughing and like... Just singing "i will survive" and other random songs.


david thanked me and justin for inviting him and he was really nice about it and all respectful and shit, lol, and alex was all like HOLLA lol...
^_^



and oh, when we went to krogers, david bought white cheddar cheeze its and they were SO GOOD and everyone has been eating them all night, but THEY NEVER END its like... A bottomless pit of crackers lol.
annndddd
david ended up leaving them here, so now im eating em :) lmao.





well, that was pretty much it :)
i was so scare shitless and i cant forget about the jackals face being 2 inches away from mine, but everything was fun :).
we also decided that were gonna make our own youtube channel and weapos;ll become famous for making stupid ass videos or something, but we dont have an official channel yet.
sunday, were getting together again at davidapos;s house just to chill and dance and make up dance moves so we can dance for the filipino association xmas party :)





so yeah. As david and justin said:
"thats the most fun ive had since... EVER."

=]






new pictures/videos will be up soon :)
mmkay bye.
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So, who knew this LiveJournal thing could actually be helpful? Iapos;m not generally a fan of writing, but I�have a lot on my mind,�and Iapos;m not sure if anyone would understand. This seems like the safest bet, because anything�I write down on paper could totally be found and used against me. (Yes, Iapos;m paranoid).

Okay, so Sabs and I throw this awesome party the other night, right? And itapos;s same old, same old deal, Suz gets drunk, flirts around, etc.

But then, I started making out with Alan Gray�of all people (or he started first. Iapos;m not too clear on that detail).

So, we went outside and we had this chat (and made out some more). He told me that he really cares about me. Like, honestly cares.

And Iapos;m totally not deluded enough to think that some random guy that I never spoke to before in my life until we were both wasted is in love with me.

But ... He just seemed so sweet�and nice.�Iapos;ll ... Kind of be upset if he really doesnapos;t care. I donapos;t even know how much of that night he remembers. I havenapos;t been talking to him since, so ... Itapos;s possible that the whole thing is forgotten to him.

At any rate, it shows me for sure that all the guys I have had for a night in the past are complete assholes, because nice guys donapos;t just do that.

But then again, Alan and I made out too, so .. Where does that leave him? But ... Thereapos;s something about him thatapos;s�different.

I just�donapos;t know why.
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Take the sum of your experiences Observe the time it took to accumulate what you are trying to actuate. Think of the breadth of knowledge you have access to because you have seen and experienced what you did. Appreciate the amount you have aggregated in the time you have been here.

Now take the sum of what is concerning you right now. This is a set of experiences much smaller than the entirety of what you just reflected on, and as it should be. Some of your experiences will have been resolved. Some may have been forgotten. But the lingering influences I guarantee will seem over whelming. It would be hard to decide how to prioritize your experiential landscape. What came first and what comes first? What can you count, and what counts? But given the total of your life, the risks you have undertaken and the struggles you endured, you should realize that your sum is much greater than the current set of concerns you have hovering above you at any given time in your life.

Your pain is not necessarily important. You successes are minuscule. Both pain and success are irrelevant in the light of everything you have seen, done, and not done. So what matters then? What do you do without confines of a merely current context to give you perspective on what you are? I think the result is a fearless perspective. An outlook that doesnapos;t take into account short term discomfort in realizing an aspiration that may have seemed out of reach prior to speculation.

Maybe.


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